It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
