i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize