He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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