I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
