Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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