I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We're facebook friends in real life
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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