Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
