My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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