this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
