I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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