Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
