I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
