i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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