ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize