just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
