RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
