Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
