he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
