When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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