the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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