I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
