in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
