Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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