i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize