I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
