cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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