im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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