i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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