I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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