We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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