$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
pop tarts are not kleenex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
