You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
