I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
