Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
