P.S. I can't hear my feet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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