Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
