we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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