There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
