So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How external is "for external use only"?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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