Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
