i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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