When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
