Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
