he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
