Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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