do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
