i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
