Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
NoShamevember. You game?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
