I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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