Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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