Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
