Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
