hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
