is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
