the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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