fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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