i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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