I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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