I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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