I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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