His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
